Life is just hard sometimes. I typically don't share my personal life, but I felt that by sharing my more intimate thoughts, feelings, and emotions…I might be able to show someone else, possibly a stranger, that they are not alone. We all face struggles and somehow conquer them. Do you realize that? Every struggle in your life - you conquered. It's SO hard to see the rainbow at the end of the storm, but day by day we grow closer to seeing the beauty, the payoff, or maybe just ability to breathe easy.
I've never understood why struggles strike at once, but they do. This winter hasn't been easy. Boston has been dealing with records amount of snow and commutes have been a nightmare - one evening it took me 2.5 hours to drive what usually takes me 27 minutes without traffic. Therefore, I've been working from home a lot. In return, I have an extra 2 hours in the day to learn, accomplish my tasks, and deal with MAJOR cabin fever. Cabin fever can make anyone crazy and depressed, but in the end it just makes a person's tolerance and ability to deal with those struggles way less. You literally don't see the sun, so how can you possibly see a rainbow?
I'm a people person. I like to receive constructive criticism, compliments, and concerns in person. This is how relationships are built and that's why I worked in retail for 7 years. I recently made a career change in order to give Cameron and I a better life and gain a new skill set. The learning curve has been extreme, but I'm getting there...
However, the ability to learn comes with the ability to focus. So what happens when your personal life collides with your work life and you're unable to focus? My grandfather or "Papa" as I've always called him is not doing well. I've never faced a loved one dealing with dementia, but it's tough. It's even more tough on his wife (my Mattie), his daughter (my mother), and his son (my uncle). I hate that some visits he has no clue who I am. I just want to shout, "I'm your Sassafras!" - but that wouldn't help. Although that realization is tough, watching how my loved ones are affected is the most challenging. I try to be there for my Mattie and my mother, but what can I possibly say to make things better? "I love you." "I'm sorry?" "Life will get better soon." - but I don't know that...
I know other families are going through the exact same hardship or a pain that's even worse. I guess that's just part of being human. All you can do during these blizzards in life is have faith, pray, love, and realize how truly blessed you are. You are alive. You are loved. You are free… and even though you might be unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel, we have to remind ourselves: "Stop focusing on how stressed you are and remember how blessed you are."
xoxo.